


Please, stay with me

by 1789R



Category: Sexy Zone
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 20:48:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2555132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1789R/pseuds/1789R
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 One-Shots, each OS being one of the boys point of view and feelings about the increase of 3nin work through the months.<br/>Order : So, Mari, Shouri, Fuma, Kento. Angst only.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sou

**Author's Note:**

> They are put in chronological order but there are weeks, if not months in some cases, between each OS.

The smile Sou was wearing disappeared from his lips as soon as Genki was out of the room, door firmly closed behind him.  
  
With a heavy heart, he went back to his acrobatics.   
  
He had been training everyday, every free time he had for their upcoming lives.   
  
He needed to become better.  
  
He _**had**_ too.  
  
 _Counting the rhythm in his head, singing under his breath, he was trying to make his movement more natural._  
  
 _ **Smile.**_ He reminded himself.    
  
He was an idol, he had to try to always smile. Someone once told him that his smile meant their happiness. If that was indeed the case, then he would try his best to always smile.  
  
Even though it was quite hard to find something to smile about lately, when he wasn't seeing his groupmates as much as he should, when he was once again put aside.  
  
And it was becoming more and more difficult to pretend he was completely happy with his situation. He couldn't even talk about it any more with Genki...The poor boy was probably sick of hearing him whine about it.   
  
Nothing had changed in the past year.   
  
Nothing.   
  
He still wasn't starring in Johnny's World, even thought he was as old as Shouri when he first did the butai (Okay, he got to guest here and there this year, but he wasn't _**truly**  _taking part in it)   
  
He still didn't have a solo song, nor even a solo part.  
  
And to think their center, Shouri, was only one year older...  
  
Sou could no longer pretend that it was just because he wasn't of age yet, that once he will be 16 too, he would get more opportunities.   
  
He grew up, matured, and even moved to Tokyo but everything stayed the same.  
  
It was hard to pretend he was even okay with his situation, that he wasn't more and more sadden by it, especially when debuting actually gave him less work than before.   
  
Jinguji, Genki and other Juniors had more work than him...   
  
 _He swiftly threw his leg in front of him, kicking the air._  
  
He was proud of his group. He was proud to be a member of it. Sexy Zone was definitely someday going to be one of the best of the agency, if not the best. How could it not be, with Nakajima Kento, Kikuchi Fuma, Sato Shouri and Marius Yo ?

More often than not, he felt as if he was simply not good enough to be with them.  
  
He had nothing to offer.   
  
The other boys would probably shout out in outrage at his thoughts ; Mari might even cry, and Fuma hit him, but he did feel like that.  
  
It wasn't like he was the only one thinking that.  
  
Almost everyone did.  
  
He could see it when each workday, his manager eyes passed swiftly past him with announcement of a job for any of the other 4 ; lately the oldest 3. He could see it in the always diminishing lines he gets in songs, in the diminishing screen time he gets. He could hear it in the Juniors ushered words, and sometimes not ushered at all.  
  
Not that they kept doing that anyway. It has become such a common thing for Sou to not have any kind of work, that no-one seems to acknowledge it anymore but for some of his closest friends, his groupmates,and his family.  
  
 _He jumped and finished his movement by another back-flip, landing on his feet perfectly._  
  
It was especially difficult for him to face his parents concerned eyes, when they see that once again, their son had been left behind.  
  
To think that he even moved to Tokyo, because he thought it would help him get more work.  
  
How  _ **naïve**_ _..._  
  
He was really ashamed of his position. And most of all, he was shameful that so far nothing was changing at all.  
  
He could blame no-one but himself for his failure, though.  
  
That meant that despite his best efforts so far, he was still deemed as worthless by the agency, and therefore by many people.  
  
His acrobatics were not enough to make people check on him, overall on his band.  
  
Then again plenty of people, some not even in entertainment world, could do back-flips. There was nothing astonishing in that, nor spectacular unless you did  long series or added more acrobatics to it.  
  
Which he still couldn't do properly.    
  
His heart sank.  
  
It was a wonder he had fans at all...  
  
 _He threw his head backward, his right hand moving gracefully toward the roof as if trying to reach for it._  
  
Could Johnny's Jimusho go back on their words, and retrograde them ? His contract said he was a debuted member but contract can be renewed, can't they ?  
  
If they can't, they would just keep on treating Mari and him as if they weren't there.    
  
Not that it would changed much his current situation, anyway.   
  
Where would they go from there ? Would they go back to Juniors, or would they be let go ?   
  
Sou didn't want to leave, and especially not Sexy Zone.  
  
But maybe Mari would get to stay. Marius was bright, and popular. He was the proof that the agency was expanding and he could speak English.  
  
He was young, but once he grew up he would certainly be very handsome. Sou was sure of it.  
  
Mari would get to debut again in another band, if worst come to worst.  
  
Mari who could already speak 3 languages, Mari who was so charming, dubbed as an angel by all their fans...Mari who he kept being compared to, who was still a middle-school student and already for everyone, so much better than him.  
  
At pretty much everything.  
  
Well, no. He was better at Japanese. **_Great._**  
  
 _Suddenly, Sou just couldn't keep on dancing. He couldn't focus.  
  
_ It was frustrating.  
  
 _He put his head in his hands_.   
  
It was frustrating and hurting to know that he wasn't good enough; that he might never be.  
  
Would he someday be good enough ? Would he too get solo project ?   
  
He had been trying to find something he could help the group with. Something that would make him worth to be with them, to stay in Sexy Zone. Something that would make all of them proud of him...  
  
 _He wiped the sweat from his forehead, and sighed loudly, his breathing still uneven._  
  
It wasn't Mari and Shouri's fault though, that he didn't have any side jobs. He would never blame it on them, and he already felt terrible for being jealous.  
  
They were his friends.  
  
And who knows  maybe things will changed ? It did for other entertainers, for other Johnny's.  
  
It may sound stupid to keep on hoping, but he wouldn't give up. Hope in entertainment world was almost as important as luck and he would never stop hoping.  
  
He wouldn't. He had to stay in Sexy Zone. He loved the members, all of them and he couldn't see himself leaving them, whether it was by joining another group, or by leaving the agency.  
  
He needed them. All four of them. Kento, Fuma, Shouri,Mari.   
  
Also,despite everything, he loved his work. Sou loved being able to work in the entertainment world, to be able to sing, to dance and to feel that maybe there is someone's day out there which got suddenly better because of them. Thanks to them. Thanks to him.  
  
He loved the fans. Not just his owns, but every Sexy Zone fan. Even if they didn't like him, even if they didn't care about him ( okay, that would hurt a bit though) he was grateful that they would like the other members and that they would support the group.  
  
 _'' Sou-chan ? '' He opened his eyes. Mari ?_  
  
 _Door opened, and his friend and rival was suddenly standing in front of him, biting his lips.  
_  
 _'' Hey....Genki told me you were here and I thought I could come and rehearse next to you''_  
  
 _His smile didn't reach his eyes. Sou's eyes softened._  
  
Mari wasn't used to the kind of treatment he had been suffering so far. It was quite new for the younger boy.  
  
He would have to stop his dark thoughts for the moment. Someone else needed more help than himself. His friend needed his help.  
  
 _He plastered a fake smile on his face, hoping the younger boy would feel better seeing it, and nodded._  
  
He would of course help him.  
  
 _A grateful and relieved smile answered him._  
  
How could Sou refuse anyway ? He may be jealous of the younger boy, he was still his dear friend.  
  
His _**best**_ friend.  
  
Also as his brain had been telling him for months already, he had a debt toward the younger boy.  
  
Wasn't Mari probably the sole reason he got to debut ? Because he had been closed to him three years ago?  
  
 _'' You should move your leg in a more circular way'' he commented_  
  
And maybe for everyone that was all his worth right now, maybe all it will ever be.  
  
Helping Mari.

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Marius

Marius let out a sigh, and checked his phone contact list.  
  
Four of his very good friends were leaving,this time going back forever to Germany.  
  
His heart felt heavy in his chest.  
  
He just needed to talk with someone. Either to rant, or to just change his mind...

He looked up at his contact list, and bit his lips. He didn't see who he could call. He didn't feel like calling any of his classmates as it would only serves as a painful reminder...Someone from the agency then ? He hadn't seen any of them in a while after all.  
  
 _You should really hang out more with other people who are not only from your school...Or affiliated to your school.''_ had told him not unkindly his make-up staff, one time when he was talking to her about his classmates.  
  
He scrolled down on the names. Other than Sou, who was his best friend, he didn't see anyone else who he could call . He had many Juniors contact numbers but none of them, not even the two other members of his new unit ,Jin-chan and Genki, were particularly close to him.  
  
They were Shouri and Sou' s friends, not really his own.  
  
 _You wouldn't feel so sad it you had tried to become friends with other Johnny's and Juniors_  
  
As if he hadn't already _ **tried.**_

He knew that was inevitable, that his classmates were mainly there for a period but that didn't make goodbyes any easier.

At some point, most if not all of them would leave Japan.  
  
Closing his phone, he put it back in his pocket. He would call no-one.  
  
He kept walking aimlessly in Yokohama, his bag across his shoulder.  
  
Marius never once regretted coming to Japan, neither did he ever regretted becoming a Johnny's. Absolutely not.   
  
Becoming a Sexy Zone member was one of the best thing that happened in his life, and almost everyday he was thankful that God would grant him such happiness.  
  
Sometimes though he did feel alienated.  
  
Not all the time of course, thank God, and not by everyone. It did happen though, within the agency in particular, and  Japanese entertainment world in general.  
  
Sometimes, it also did hurt...When they would yell at him for things he doesn't understand, when they would get angry because he said something that could be taken badly, or when they would lightly comment that he wasn't Japanese. Without even realizing, they would exclude him from their jokes, talk and meeting plans.  
  
It hurt all the more when these comments were from his groupmates, and especially Kento and Fuma who he looked up to, or from fellow Juniors with whom he had tried to build what he had wished could be an everlasting friendship that would rival the one Ron, Harry and Hermione had.  
  
His head ducked down, hands in his pockets, he sighed.  
  
He knew he wasn't as much Japanese as any of them, both by his behavior, and  origins. That didn't mean he wasn't **_at all._  
  
** That didn't mean there was a flaw in him as if he wasn't fully finished or something.  
  
In a way, it was quite sad that instead of them changing their view, he had simply adjusted to it and now knew better than to pay attention to those comments and jabs.  
  
The almost constant reminder that he was different, that he was not like them used to hurt. It still stung a little, but Marius was used to it. It hurt less than the comments on how he should just go back to his country, even when said jokingly.  
  
There was always an underlying truth in every comment.  
  
He knew what was said around him : he had debuted because his mother had been a Takarazuka, because his family knew Inagaki-kun, because he was a foreigner and agency had that time was already thinking of being more international.  
  
He used to run to the other members or Taipi, crying all the way about their words. Now, Marius didn't let these sorts comments gets him too much.  
  
They were probably right anyway _..._  
  
Spotting a Tsutaya, he entered the shop. He might find a new movie to rent.  
  
Being friend with someone you perceive as very different from you was not an easy feat.  
  
In the end, he didn't managed to get close to many other Japanese boys who were in the agency and those he met outside didn't keep much contact.  
  
He was either too young for them, or too old. Looking according to them like an older student with whom they were not at ease, or like a much younger boy that they couldn't take seriously let alone hang out with.  
  
They didn't have the same interests, nor even the same references. He didn't get their jokes, they didn't get his.  
  
Also,it was hard to build anything everlasting, or even remotely lasting, when you were mainly the sole person interested in pursuing that friendship.  
  
Maybe if he had been half-American, instead of half-German they would have been slightly more interested.  
  
He kept walking across the different aisles, checking movies titles trying sometimes to decipher some of them, getting frustrated when he couldn't for one or two.  
  
...Language barrier was not helping him at all. If anything, it made them flee more quickly, or get bored after a while standing next to him while he tried to convey his thoughts forgetting which particles to use, and trying not to mix any German or English words in his sentences.  
  
 _Why don't you try a little more to fit ? You re also Japanese aren't you ?  
  
_ No-one had told him that directly. _**Yet.**_  
  
Marius could still hear it in underlying tone every time he would get scolded for what they would call a '' non-proper TV behavior''.  
  
He might be young, but he wasn't a total idiot. It would probably never change, and he would probably always have that wall in between him and the others, but Marius would try his hardest to make it as thin as possible.  
  
He would not give up on trying to made real friends in the agency.  
  
He would keep on trying, again and again. He was stubborn like that.  
  
Walking back to the cashier with an animated movie he had heard some Juniors commenting on, he saw next to cash desk new magazines issues.  
  
 _ **Idols**_ and especially **Johnny's** magazines issues.  
  
One had Shouri, Kento and Fuma grinning at him on the cover.  
  
He picked it up.  
  
 _''Too bad you didn't try harder earlier. Guess who got ejected from next single ?_ '' said a terrible little voice in his head.  
  
He felt a lump forming in his throat, as he kept looking at their smiling faces with Sexy Zone written underneath.

It was humiliating to not be called for a job, and learn that they didn't need you. It was like not being picked up in sports game for teams, when he was younger but on a much bigger scale.  
  
...The feeling of rejection because you are you and you _**are**_ lacking.  
  
And everyone knew it.  
  
Those who didn't, would know it on a national scale, if not international scale once the announcement of new single would be made public.  
  
What would his friends think ? What would his family back in Germany feel ?  
  
By this decision he was deemed as unfit for Sexy Zone, unfit to debut, unfit to be with them.

Marius felt tears gathering in his eyes and he discreetly wiped them away. He should really stop acting like a crybaby, that was ridiculous. He was 14 for heaven's sake, time to start acting like one.  
  
He looked down resolutely at the magazine.   
  
He would fight for Sexy Zone, he would fight to stay in the band with Sou, he would...  
  
Would it matter ? If the single sold a lot, would he be able to come back ?  
  
No, no he shouldn't think like that. Of course it needed to sell a lot. It was a great song, and sang by three of his favorite people in the world.  
  
People who had been so nice to him, all these years in Japan....  
  
He felt guilty for wishing, even for a little bit, that this single wouldn't sell as well as King&Queen&Joker.  
  
Fuma, Kento and Shouri didn't deserve that. No-one deserved wishes of failure, and certainly not those he came to see as his family.  
  
And you only want the best for your family,don't you ?  
  
Feeling terrible for his previous thoughts, he took the magazine, and walked up to the cashier. He smiled at the woman at the cash desk, who looked surprised when she saw him. Or maybe she was surprised by what he was getting.  
  
As he paid for his things and left, a shopping bag in his hand, he could not help but feel slightly better.  
  
They were all his family, all 4 of them And **nothing** would change that.  
  
He would keep on doing his best.They could do it. Sou and him could absolutely make it ! They **would** make it. They would prove to everyone that they deserve to be there with their three other friends. They were Sexy Zone members too after all, and ....  
  
Someone tapped him on his back, and he turned around, surprised. A much shorter man, dressed in a business suit bowed to him and said while giving him a card :  
  
'' I m sorry, I saw you getting out of that shop and I wanted to talk to you. You re half aren't you ? What do you think about getting into a modeling agen ...''  
  
His heart fell.  
  
With a polite smile, trying to keep his voice steady, Marius turned down the man's proposition.  
  
He wouldn't have been scouted again, if people had known he was already in another agency.His foreign looks made him stand out, but not enough to be recognized as an idol or a talent. Let alone a Sexy Zone member.  
  
Almost 3 years after debuting, he still wasn't fitting in with them.

And maybe he would never. 

 


	3. Shouri

 

  
Shouri laid down on his bed, lights turned off.  
  
It was exhausting lately, being a Sexy Zone member.  
  
Or rather, a FKS member, since they were not all 5 together and Sexy Zone was not Sexy Zone unless it had its _5_ members. No more, and certainly no less.  
  
So, being a FKS member...It was oppressing.  
  
It didn't feel good, especially since he was the odd man out.  
  
Shouri had never particularly liked working only with FumaKen. It wasn't that he disliked them, no absolutely not. Far from it.  
  
But it felt like he was intruding. He wasn't particularly close to any of them and they have been together for years already. They have been through hardships together, debuted together , had always been together. Through and through.  
  
They had a special bond and their relationship was rivaled by very few.  
  
So it felt weird. Weird, and awkward, being together with them. They had their in-jokes, they could understand each other without saying a word, without even looking at each other. They simply knew each other inside-out and he was out of synch.  
  
Photoshoots were awkward, with staffs pushing him again and again next to them, because there was no-one else anyway to be paired with, putting him in the middle.  
  
There was a reason why lately they had barely any smiling photoshoots.  
  
With the three of them it was mainly all cool and handsome.  
  
Shouri looked at the time.The clock next to him read 2 am. He was definitely going to regret it tomorrow, but he just couldn't sleep yet.  
  
They just didn't work well when there were only three. At all. They all knew it. They could all see it, and Shouri couldn't understand at all how management could be so blind and still keep them that way.  
  
His heartbeat quickened.  
  
But maybe...Maybe the point wasn't to see them all three together anyway. ..After taking care of the two youngest member....  
  
' _Don't think about that, don't think about that. ''_  
  
But he does, and lately more often than not.  
  
And fear gripped him once again, as panic was coursing through his veins.  
  
Was it what the agency looking for ? It would make no sense, but he doesn't even understand in what way was this current situation even making sense, especially from a business point of view.  
  
They could take away two of them, why not more ? Would they become a duet ? Would they suddenly go solo ?

He was _terrified._  
  
He tried to imagine himself in front of a full audience, but he couldn't. He _couldn't_. Even his solos concerts featured Juniors with mics, and as happy as he was with that because there was no way he could have the nerves to do a full concert all alone, he also knew the agency thought he wouldn't be able to do it, that he didn't have the charisma nor the talent enough to pull it off.  
  
They wouldn't let him go solo,wouldn't they ? they wouldn't make him go solo ,right ? he didn't _want_ to be solo.  
  
Would they have any say ? Of course not, they wouldn't .  
  
He willed the tears away. They had become a common occurrence these days  
  
He was weary.  
  
He licked his lips.  
  
They all did say it would be harder, once debuting, but he thought they had done it. They had all suffered to a certain extent from that debut and their position in the group, even him.  
  
He had been appointed center of his group when he was pretty much unknown, suffering from the other's fans anger that he would always be there, at the front, speaking for them all, when he wasn't the oldest, the most popular or even the most talented in the group.  
  
It had hurt even more that Shouri couldn't find his place within the group, and that he agreed with many of these objections to his position. All in all, he had felt like a fluke at that time  and he still did.. He was pretty bland, if not for his face. He was shy and easily flustered too, overall awkward. He was really no center material.  
  
He wanted to talk to someone about it all, but he just couldn't. He had never been the type to talk about his issues. In way, Shouri felt as if people would think less of him if he ever did, and he was worried that it would also gave them some kind of leverage they could use later on to hurt him.  
  
So he never talked about his troubles, if he could help it. He simply bottled up everything.  
  
It wasn't healthy, but that was how he was.  
  
Right now though it was getting harder and harder to live that way.  
  
What was the agency planning  for Mari and Sou?  
  
He felt terribly guilty about the younger boys. Mari was so young. Sou was only one year younger than he was...  
  
They were making them feel useless, and unworthy of being with them when they were not, they _**definitely**_ were not.  
  
Sexy Zone needed them.  
  
Their fans needed them.  
  
He needed them.  
  
They had been quite brave about the whole thing, smiling and laughing like nothing happened. Wishing them the best. He already felt guilty enough that they had been again sent to the United States, and he  had enjoyed it thoroughly …  
  
With everything that happened since then, he felt terrible about it.  
  
If going to the USA each time meant that only 3 of them would get to go, then he wasn't sure he wanted to go there with work anymore. Certainly not with how it turned out afterwards.  
  
His stomach churned uncomfortably.  
  
Maybe because they already went to New York all together and it went well, management thought this could be a great idea and it should happen again. Maybe because they didn't protest more ( or even at all,actually. They didn't say a word against it) for Bad boys, for A-my-girlfriend, and for all the other songs they only sang all three of them.  
  
Did they made them think they were happy with that ? Did they make them believe in some way that this could happen, and this would be great ?  
  
He had been genuinely happy during their LA travel. _**Very**_ happy. He did have fun with Fuma and Kento, lots of fun ….That didn't mean that he wouldn't have had fun if Sou and Mari had been there too. In fact, he had no doubt that the travel would have been even better with them.  
  
Shouri kept turning in his bed, restlessly.  
  
They shouldn't have accepted that first ''3 members only'' song proposition they got. Not even for a B-Side one. Not if the other two didn't have their own songs too  
  
That shouldn't have become a habit. They shouldn't have...  
  
He closed his eyes, frustrated.   
  
At first they had a reason though. Sou and Mari weren't in Johnny's World, so of course they wouldn't be featured on it....  
  
That reason was rubbish.  
  
They shouldn't have been missing even the first time. Boys younger than Mari were featured in it. It wasn't like Sexy Zone had many scenes, or many lines. They both could have appeared even for a little bit. It wasn't as if the story-line had make much sense anyway, nor was completely rational. They could have made a up a reason as to why the two boys weren't there for the second act.

 _'' A.B.C-Z would have never agreed on excluding even one member''_ he thought bitterly while thinking of some of his favorite sempais.  
  
No A.B.C-Z would have never agreed. None of them would have accepted. Hasshi, their center, would have refused. Hasshi would have said no.  
  
Wasn't he a center too?Why couldn't he do the same ?  
  
But it wasn't easy...Facing the management.  
  
In fact, it scared him to death.  
  
It wasn't easy at all to say no to their manager, to disagree on something they were told do to or say. Even an invitation to act a certain way, was more of a disguised order, than anything else.  
  
He was afraid of disappointing, and he was scared stiff of the consequences. He loved his job, he loved it very much and he didn't want something to happen because he was rebelling. None of them had been in Jimusho for long. None of them had been debuted for long too, and he was afraid of what would happen if he dared to act too strongly against it, let alone rise up against a decision.  
  
For he had no doubt that drastic repercussions would happen if they rebelled. Johnny's Jimusho was a business and it wouldn't appreciate very much to see its boys acting against it. It would look terrible on management, and on the whole group too.They would be dubbed as a rebellious group, and no agency liked that, unless they gave you themselves a green light at the time of your debut.  
  
Sexy Zone was not supposed to be a rebel group.  
  
No-one in idols' world liked true rebel, whatever the cause was. Even rival agencies would turn on them.  
  
Yet, not doing anything meant betraying again and again MariSou.  
  
There was no way he was getting any sleep tonight.  
  
Why couldn't they stay all five together ?  
  
He didn't want Sexy Zone to change.  
  
His vision blurred.

Kento was driving himself sick with worry trying to hold them all together. Fuma was walking on a very thin line with the management and distancing himself from them. Sou couldn't hide anymore how truly defeated he sometimes felt . Mari was much more prone to self doubt and sensitive about his own failures.  
  
It felt like a freaking nightmare,one of which he wasn't waking up.  
  
Shouri gave up on trying to prevent tears from falling.  
  
His whole group was crumbling right in front of him,and he had never felt so helpless.  
  
He had another 3nin meeting tomorrow.

 

 

 


	4. Fuma

 

Fuma was sitting in silence in the mini-van that was taking him for yet another work with only Shouri and Kento. For once though, he wasn't typing on his phone, nor playing games on his console.  
  
He couldn't distract himself. He was restless. He didn't want to go there. He didn't want to be here.

With all the stress on top of everything else, his patience was wearing thin lately.  
  
And he didn't take lightly being lied to.  
  
Wasn't that unit supposed to be a one time thing ? Why were they having once again another single ? One following immediately the previous one ? Were they so sure they would sell so much, that the agency and Ponycanyon didn't even need to wait for the final result ? Did they not see the outraged reactions both on social media and during their live announcement ?  
  
Or did they think that just with any heartache, time would have healed fan's resentment by the release date. Fans love for idols are said to be a fleeting thing, but Fuma refused to believe that it would happen here, that they wouldn't keep on expressing it by whatever mean possible.  
  
He clenched his jaw.  
  
They may buy that 3nin single, they may come to their 3nin concert, but would that mean that they would forget MariSou so easily ? That they would forget how much better they were all 5 together ?Have a little more faith in them !  
  
And they would show them. They would.  
  
He gripped his seat-belt.  
  
It was a terrible thing to wonder who was going to be featured in their next album.  
  
He knuckles turned white.  
  
They did nothing bad, and they were being punished. What offense did they commit? Being chosen originally as member of this group ? Being too young for the group? As if ! Since when being young in this agency and in idol world in general meant anything ?  
  
It was B.I.Shadow all other again.  
  
But worst.  
  
Much much worse because Sexy Zone did debut. They had already spent 3 years together, they had an official fanclub,official goods and even official uchiwas with their names on it.  
  
This was not Junior era,where everything was uncertain. This was not B.I.Shadow.  
  
He would not suffer that heartbreak again.  
  
Never. Again.  
  
He massaged his throbbing head. He had managed to get himself a headache.  
  
He could feel Shouri's eyes on him. He kept his head turned toward the window resolutely.  
  
He didn't want any of their concern. At least, Kento knew better than to try to engage him in anything anymore. Or worst, _check if he was okay._  
  
He was angry. He was angry at Kento, he was angry at Shouri, he was angry at Sou, he was angry at Marius, he was angry at their manager, at the management, at their fans...but most of all he was angry at himself  
  
It was getting more and more difficult to enjoy his job.  
  
At least, when he was with the other two...  
  
He glanced at them. On his right, Shouri was writing on his phone, maybe to Kotaki again, certainly to drive his thoughts away from the usual tense atmosphere. He was doing that a lot, lately.  
  
Always glued to his phone.  
  
Kento was sitting at the front, so Fuma couldn't see what he was doing. Probably napping, if the way his head tilted was any indication.  
  
He needed that sleep.  
  
Fuma was glad this time there was no staff with them, and that their manager was on the passenger seat next to the driver.  
  
He turned his head back toward the window, readjusting his sunglasses on his eyes.  
  
He didn't want to hear any word.  
  
It would only irk him even more.  
  
He didn't want to hear Kento trying his best to engage their staff in a light maybe even excited conversation, Shouri's commenting on their words, laughing here and there as if was deeply interested in what was being said. He too would have to talk and pretend, as he couldn't pointedly ignore that person especially if they were not from the Jimusho.  
  
A futile and falsely light conversation happening just for the sake of it.  
  
Usually Fuma didn't mind that. It also came with the job, anyway. Keeping someone entertained through a conversation wasn't too hard for him too, contrary to Shouri for example who was a much better listener than active participant.  
  
Or Marius who simply couldn't see what was okay to say, he recalled fondly.  
  
Fuma just didn't feel like making any efforts. At least not today. He frankly didn't even care about how it would look that he didn't know his choreography well, or that he was barely smiling.  
  
 _'' Let them all know !''_  
  
Why would he make an effort, when they didn't seem to care either way about their thoughts, or feelings ? Let them have a taste of their own medicine.  
  
Lately, the only work he had enjoyed apart from his drama was Sexy Zone Channel.  
  
He was grateful for that program. Very grateful. In a way, it was the only thing that was keeping sane. Their last job all together, if not for that one QrZone episode, was months ago. Even in magazines they were separated.  
  
That was ridiculous. That was infuriating.  
  
What was happening ? It was supposed to be a one-time thing. How long would they keep being lied to ? They had assured them that it wouldn't happen again. What else weren't they telling them ?  
  
If he could, if he dared, he would march right up to management, and finally get the bottom of what was happening.  
  
Yet he dared not, and he hated himself for that. He clenched his fists. He wasn't usually one to think, that was Kento's domain. That boy was always over-analyzing things. No, no he was more on the action side. On a good day, he would even call himself a hothead, and he was actually quite pleased with that title  
  
So why...Why when it was the most important, he froze ?  
  
Why could he never fully face the Jimusho, when he prided himself in being able to confront anyone and anything ?  
  
What use was it to be popular or older, if you couldn't protect the people you loved ?  
  
He was disgusted with himself. Since when had his career begin to become more important than his friends?Than the people he loved ?  
  
A cold fury engulfed him  
  
He preferred that. Between sadness and anger, he wanted to feel anger.  
  
He felt righteous in his anger.  
  
Anger, that was a feeling he could deal with. It was exhilarating, and anything was better than despair and sadness. It would mean that it was happening and that he was accepting.  
  
Sadness meant defeat.  
  
He would not be defeated. He would **not**. He would never agree on that, he would never accept what they want Sexy Zone to be, what they want **his** group to be.

He had no time for sadness. He needed to function. He had to. They all needed him to.  
  
Also, Fuma didn't think he even had the right to feel sad when Mari and Sou were trying very hard to hide their sorrow for all of their sake.  
  
He will never be defeated. Not on that.  
  
 _''Until they threaten you again... ''_ he thought.  
  
The knot in stomach tightened.  
  
No, no...It won't happen again.  
  
He could definitely deal with anger. Channeling it felt good.  
  
He wished he could hit something, or someone. Where did they go wrong ? Why did they decided to suddenly break them ? Why did they take away the youngest two? Didn't they realize how much they were hurting them ? He was all for toughing up the boys, and improving but this was ridiculous and pointless, unless your whole point was to make them suffer.  
  
That was it. His next solo song would be about stupid bosses,and worst decisions always taken.  
  
 _And cowards._

The mini-van came to an halt. They had arrived.  
  
Without a word, nor a glance for anyone, Fuma opened his door and got out of the vehicle. He walked away quickly, trying to put as much distance between all of them, as he could without running.  
  
His headache seemed to be getting stronger with each step.  
  
Behind him, he heard their manager talking to Kento.  
  
He stopped and looked behind him. Shouri's tense form was dragging his feet slowly. His cap hiding most of his face in shadows, he was looking at nothing but the ground.

Kento, probably because just few moments ago he had still been sleeping soundlessly, looked anything but his usual idol persona as he was listening to their manager,with his slumped shoulders and an exhausted expression on his face.

They were a mess. A freaking mess.  
  
They would all, maybe even him, school themselves once they got inside the building though.  
  
He turned his back to them and kept walking toward the entrance.  
  
If nothing ever changes, if Mari and Sou were not coming back, then Sexy Zone would be '3 get together'...

And Fuma wasn't sure he wanted any part in it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Kento

Kento took a sip of his drink. Today's filming would not begin until very late at night, so he had plenty of time in front of him. Maybe too much even.  
  
His closest friends were unfortunately unable too meet him today, and he didn't feel brave enough yet to spend the whole day with his co-stars. They were probably too busy anyway to meet him, and asking them through the phone would have been awkward.  
  
He could have learned his script, but he hadn't been given the next one yet  
  
He hated not having anything to do. It meant he was left with his thoughts.  
  
That was why Kento had come to this family restaurant, hoping that a change of scenery and good food would make his heart lighter. It didn't.  
  
 _How did Sexy Zone go that way ?_

His heart sank.  
  
How could it go this far ?  
  
Part of him was relieved he didn't have to see the other boys as often as he used to. He felt terribly ashamed to think about it that way, and it did nothing to help his mood lately. But it was the truth.  
  
He was exhausted emotionally and physically.  
  
He was tired of seeing Sou and Marius smiling at him,sending him excited texts, congratulating him on his drama, on his song, on his job. And to watch the distress in their eyes, when they think no-one could see it or when they felt particularly miserable some days.  
  
He was tired of hearing Shouri's endless chatter, here just to fill the silence, a chatter that had no meaning but to cover the tense atmosphere in their break room usually so noisy when there were 5 of them. He was tired of seeing him slowly reverting back to that expressionless and emotionless little boy he had been for a while after their debut, afraid of what would happen if he dared show a bit of who he was on TV ;burdened by his center position.  
  
He was tired of Fuma's constant anger, of his freaking continuous somber mood each time he came to work for anything that was not NOTTV related. He was tired of feeling his resentment over pretty much everything.  
  
He was tired of seeing all of them hurting. And he was freaking tired of himself.  
  
He was tired of his own feelings.  
  
As tears gathered in his eyes, Kento was very glad to be in private room.  
  
He felt helpless. He asked for more work for all of them. He said more than once that they were better all 5, and expressed how happy he was when one of them had work. What more could he do ?  
  
And worse, he felt like he could see it in everyone's gaze, hear it everywhere around him : he should do **more**. He should protest more, he should get angry, maybe even rage at the management vocally. He should more openly boycott, tell their fans to not buy their singles, to not come, to petition against the jimusho….  
  
What good would it bring though ? He did protest. He did show, albeit indirectly, how happy he was with fan projects, how unhappy he was with Otoko Never Give Up, and how he wished they could be all together again.  
  
Nothing had changed so far.  
  
Even fans protest didn't seem to move the agency. They seem set on not changing their mind.  
  
And if he dare protest more, what would happen ? Would they all be put in hiatus ? Given only solo work here and there ? Jimusho could put group activities on hold, until they came back to ''their sense''. He was the oldest, he was their leader...If they protest more openly than they already did, what would happen to them five ? Didn't they already expressed their displeasure and unhappiness about that situation more openly than many other Johnny's did, older both in age and in entertainment world ?  
  
Here he was, crying openly in a family restaurant.

Talk about a whole new low.  
  
He was the oldest, he was supposed to look after all of them. If they show more displeasure, would Shouri and Fuma suffer more too ? The lack of Fuma cover could be explained both way : Shouri was their center, and it was his drama, so of course they both would be center of their own single. It could also be a way to express displeasure over Fuma's recent declarations and his overall attitude recently.  
  
Fuma probably didn't care at this point about not being on the cover of a single, but Kento did. And he did very much  
  
He was supposed to look after all of them. And this also appeared as another failure.  
  
Whereas Johnny's WEST managed to get three more members accepted in the group _**after**_ debut announcement, he couldn't managed to keep all 5 of them together three years after debuting  
  
 _'' Cheers, leader''_ he muttered scathingly while giving a toast to himself.  
  
On the main time, they have to do their job correctly, because they were idols. They also couldn't keep on disappointing their fans. They were also part of the reason Kento was trying his best at smiling, and looking happy, pretending everything was okay and their future was okay.  
  
They were not alone in this story, and there were many more people involved.  
  
By looking gloomy, or sad, they were only bringing more unhappiness to their fans. They worried them, maybe even made their heart shatter. He knew some of them cried. He had read twitter and other websites. Some had been openly crying during lives and performances and not because they were happy to see them or be there. Some had written to him their desperation about the whole situation.  
  
These tears and sorrow..That wasn't what idols were supposed to bring. That wasn't who they were supposed to be. Being an idol meant that you were bringing laugh and joy to another person's day.  
  
Not that you were _**crushing**_ it.

By working hard at his job, Kento was also trying to make them all stay together.  
  
It shouldn't be that way though. Being able to stay as they debuted should be a given...Not a freaking prize for good behavior, or something.

He was bitter.  
  
What was he supposed to do ? How was he supposed to act ? On one hand, he wished and prayed desperately that their two youngest member could come back right now. On the other hand, he needed his group to keep on, to....Success ?  
  
Success meant less chance for the 5 of them to be together again.  
  
Maybe not success, but to keep on trying. If they try, if they show that they were doing best, while praying for failure maybe it would change things ? If they proved to them that they were all working hard, and with a smile, management may take their opinion into account .....  
  
'' _How long would we have to wait though ?_ ''  
  
How long would Sou and Mari suffer  from that mistreatment ? Weeks ? Months ? Years ?  
  
It was not like any of them would managed to last that way for years, anyway. Weeks have passed, and Shouri had gotten thinner, and closer to tears and exhaustion than he had ever been. Fuma when he didn't seem annoyed, was looking defeated. And Fuma had never looked defeated before. Never.  
  
Kento glanced at his plate: he had left his food untouched. He wasn't hungry. Chief thought might feel terrible if he thinks a customer didn't like his food. He took his chopsticks and tried to eat.  
  
If they misbehaved, they would all be punished. It would not help any of them, let alone Mari and Sou. On the contrary, he was pretty sure it would harm them. They had no say in any decision right now, but rebelling and they would have no say ever. They wouldn't care about fans, let alone about them.  
  
They would _ **break**_ them.  
  
He choked up.  
  
He needed Fuma and Shouri to stay. He needed them with him, he couldn't see others of his group being punished.  
  
'' _As if MariSou did something to deserve that.''_  
  
What kind of leader was he, that he couldn't even keep his group together ?  
  
What does it say about him, that he couldn't have them all together when everyone who left had their group had either wanted to, or had broken rules?  
  
He couldn't even begin to understand how someone could hurt others so much, and for nothing. How could they hurt Sou and Mari, who were two of the sweetest kids he had ever met...  
  
But...If he could save Fuma and Shouri, he could save them too, right ? Get them to be back on the group... So why did it feel like he was sacrificing them by acting the way he does ?  
  
He massaged his eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling any more.  
  
That was why he didn't want to be alone lately and was working or studying any waking moment he got.  
  
He didn't want to stop. He didn't want to sleep. He just wanted something that would take his thoughts away from the current situation. So he was throwing himself away in his drama, more than ever.  
  
His drama whose theme song was once again, a song with almost half of the band missing. This time though, it was a single.  
  
It was hard, trying not to feel hopeless about it all.  
  
Kento kept on drinking, hoping to alleviate his thoughts. If he didn't have work later on, he might have gotten purposely drunk.  
  
Everything was spiraling out of his control.  
  
Would anyone be able to help them ? Because he just couldn't do it anymore. He didn't know what to do anymore.  
  
He wanted to shake Marius, to make him stop promoting their single so freaking hard. He was pretty sure the boy had never promoted anything so much.  
  
He wanted to make Sou stop smiling at him and hugging him as if everything was okay, as if he didn't mind what was happening. He was reassuring him, when Kento was supposed to be the one doing to that.  
  
He wanted them both to stop acting as they didn't think Kento had betrayed them in any way.  
  
Ugh. He had no more to drink.  
  
Kento didn't feel better at all. If anything, he felt more desperate..  
  
He just wished he could stop caring so much.  
  
But he didn't.  
  
And he cared too much. About everything.  
  
Will someone **please** help them ?  
  
  


 


End file.
